Why does it seem like my favorite artwork comes from a doodle on my desktop calendar?

I doodled this on my monthly calendar that gets thrown out at the end of the month. Once it finds its way into the trash I never see it again.

Purposefully trying to duplicate it or reproduce it somewhere else never “works” the same. When I set out to intentionally “create” something, it brings out all these performance expectations on myself.

Even opening a sketch pad with the expressed intention to draw seems to derail me.

What is wrong with me?

Do you all ever struggle with similar feelings? How do you “breakthrough”?

Share your thoughts in the comments below.