Self-Partnered, Not Single #Journey


Emma Watson, the child star as Hermione Granger in the Harry Potter movie series, Disney’s “Beauty and the Beast,” and is starring in the upcoming remake of “Little Women” that comes out this Christmas, has coined a new phrase that immediately resonated with me:


Yes, I am divorced. It has been over six months since it was official. But, I still bristle at the idea of being “single.” You may have noticed in some of my blog posts in the past that when I referenced trips out on my own I don’t say I am “alone,” but instead call these “solo” outings.

I did that with intention.

I am not alone. 

I have some amazing parents, family members, friends at my church, friends at my work, friends from college, the list goes on and on. People who are with me, not physically present every moment of my life, but who understand me, who have stayed by me, who genuinely care about my well-being, who I talk to regularly, I check in with, I see on occasion.

To say that I am alone would be simply untrue.

I am so thankful for those people I have around me. I am very blessed.

Some people would say that I am arguing about semantics. I would strongly disagree.

Words have power.

What I love about the term self-partnered is that it implies that I have come to a place personally, where I am comfortable with who I am. I understand myself in new ways. I have crossed the 35-year-threshold in my life. I have loved and lost. I have made mistakes, but I am not stuck. I have no grand allusions about myself, but I can still believe in me. I believe that there is good in me to offer to those around me, to my kids, to my co-workers, even to my ex. I accept the place I am in right now, AND I want to keep pushing forward to all that is to come. I have goals. I have aspirations.

The door to future love interests is not closed, but if nothing ever comes my way in the future, I will still be whole. I will still live a full life. I will still accomplish my dreams. I believe in me and in the God who created me. I believe He has some wonderful plans still in store. He has always been faithful, even when the circumstances might have suggested otherwise. He is always trustworthy.

The full interview of Emma Watson will be featured in the upcoming British Vogue magazine coming out in December 2019.

The source of excerpts from the interview can be found here:

What are your thoughts? Share them in the comments below.

– Jason


  1. It’s very true. You can be self partnered and happy and married and unhappy. You can be married and happy and self partnered. What I think most is you need to be comfortable with who you are no matter who you are with or without. You can be surrounded by people and still be alone. Beautiful post.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. The term “single” implies wishing for its opposite, which is some form of “partnered.” People say they’re single when they want to find someone. They want their single status upfront and clear, so other singles know they are available for potential romance. That’s helpful to others who are interested.

    I don’t say I’m single because I’m not looking. I am not interested in being partnered again. I’m just me, doing stuff on my own, or with others. No labels required. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I understand this so well. My condolences for the ending of your marriage, Jason. I lost my fiancé about a year ago to a fatal heart attack, so I get this sort of self-contemplation, completely. You remind us that we should be happy with our own company. I live this tenet daily and it makes my life infinitely easier and calm. Enjoyed this today! 😊

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Honestly, I could not love this post any more if I tried, Jason. ☺️ I feel exactly the same way! Firstly: that term ‘self partnered’ feels completely perfect. It’s the sense of wholeness your feel when things are in a good place (when I say when things are in a good place, that’s only because things for me are still a little wavy: sometimes whole, sometimes ‘omg, wtf!’ 😂) But in general I totally understand that sense of ‘self partnered-ness’ that you’re talking about. Now…how not to keep falling off the horse and stay on there for good? Ha ha ha. ☺️


    • That makes me feel so good! I am glad you liked my post and I hear you about “staying whole” as a person. For me, so far, the journey has included a lot of self-care and evaluation about what I enjoy to do and why. It has also included a lot of going out and doing things I enjoy by myself and being comfortable to be solo in any circumstance: at a ballgame, at a movie, at the grocery store. It does get better 😉

      Liked by 2 people

  5. What a great attitude and outlook, I agree, there is good waiting and coming your way. What I hear evidenced by what you share is, you’ve loved and you’ve ‘learned’. Timing is crucial when we are transitioning. We can be whole (or work on becoming whole) and happy and not married (I was for 10 years). I know and see married couples struggling with loneliness. Being whole means we have something to add, not a means of completing ourselves or another. We are not a half thereby looking for a lost or elusive other half, we are value adders, having something to give or add, bringing something to the table, and are looking to co-partner, so self partnered sounds like a really healthy “outlook” for sure. I partnered with Jesus during my years of singleness and became whole, so I was never alone, I was on a quest and an adventure. He healed a brokenness in my soul I thought to heal with a relationship. Today He is the center of my new marriage making all the difference. We are interdependent and equal like tracks of a railroad. Through the shifts and the turns, I don’t carry all the weight, it is distributed as needed. We are not a half we are a whole self! Thanks for sharing these thoughts. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  6. So good and so true! I am “solo” and choose this after a 18 year relationship/ marriage. It was a phase of my life that is over and I do not feel the need to repeat it. I have children, parents, extended family, friends and my writing that keeps me busy and fulfilled. I love this post. Thank you and I would love to share it.

    Liked by 1 person

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