Doing Stuff for Me #Journey

Stuff To Do_2019-2020

Self-care is an important thing that every person should be aware of in their lives. It is not a selfish thing. It is about making sure you take care of yourself to give the people around you the best part of you.

It is about having healthy boundaries with the people around you: with your spouse, with your family, with your kids, with your friends, with your workplace, etc.

Last year when I split from my wife of almost ten years, it was obvious to me that for much of that time I wasn’t taking care of myself. I am not saying I didn’t shower or get haircuts, etc. I am saying that I didn’t take time for myself to do the things that I loved to do and wanted to do.

Some people may bristle at that and say that I am being self-centered and not taking care of my family because of this. The truth is that I was in an unhealthy co-dependent relationship with someone who had some medical issues and problems that became my sole focus in life. My spouse had many, many needs, and it was my job, as her savior, to provide for all her needs, all the time. It was unhealthy.Β That isn’t a marriage.

After coming out of that relationship, I have seen the light and the folly of that type of perspective. I do have needs and they are important. I am not putting any blame on anyone except myself. It was my lack of boundaries that got me in that position. The more I am learning about it, the more I can see what is good for me, and what is not. That is part of the reason why I came up with the list above last year. I had 45 items on my list of things to do for me and to try… I did about a third of the items on my list.

I am keeping my list and expanding it for this upcoming year. I want to keep growing and to keep learning and to keep making what is important to me a priority. This list is a helpful reminder when I am bored or the kids are with mom or I just need a jolt to my normal routine.

Some of the things I am adding include: climb another fourteener, visit my family in Florida, visit national parks on a day trip to neighboring states like Utah, New Mexico, Wyoming and South Dakota, join a Meetup group in Denver, and many more new experiences I hope to try out this year.

What things are you excited to try in the next 12 months? Share below in the comments.

– Jason

32 comments

  1. It took having cancer for me to realise that my needs were important too. The difficulty at that time was defining how I wanted my life to be.
    I am so much more contented now that I’ve ever been because I’m putting myself at the top of my priorities instead of last.
    Keep working on the list Jason, and have fun doing it all x

    Liked by 2 people

  2. People tend to lose their identity for others. Sharing oneself is expected, but losing your “self” IS the issue. We all need to breathe-married or not. Moral support is always a bonus, otherwise you need to politely fight to stay sane. The outcome though, is always risky… Keep living!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. It is true that we tend to lose ourselves in the people we love… after all, we have only this life to live our dreams. I do not say that we shouldn’t care for others, but we do need to care for ourselves too!
    Great post!

    Liked by 1 person

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