Missing Birthdays #Kids #Fatherhood #CoParenting #Journey #Divorce

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I was pretty bummed yesterday.

My youngest son turned two and I couldn’t be there for his birthday.

It was my ex-wife’s parenting time.

All three of those statements are kind of downers. Sorry, but that’s where I was at. My posts were kind of “meh.” I wasn’t all that motivated at work. The main meeting I run every week we rushed through in half the time allotted and I was okay with it. I felt like I was sleepwalking through my day.

It felt like we ran out of regular coffee at work, so they put decaf in the pot.

I did have a headache later on in the day. Hmm 🤔

Well, I am feeling better today after a good night’s sleep with the expectation of seeing my beautiful children after work. Even the fact that I have a dental cleaning in the afternoon won’t dampen my spirits today.

I am so glad I get to see my kids as much as I do. We have an exactly 50-50 parenting time split, which makes childcare dicey sometimes but I’d rather be forced to take an unplanned day off of work, I call those days “gifts” with my kids, rather than having less time with them.

All of the time I get with my kids is highly cherished and it is something I always look forward to and treasure.

For holidays, the day itself doesn’t matter so much, but not being there on a birthday stings.

– Jason

16 comments

  1. Jason, I’m sorry you’re going through all of this, but from the way you write your feelings, I believe your kids will always feel loved by you. Even when you don’t see them on a birthday, they will still feel your love for them. That’s important. My ex always wanted to have more visitation with my kids, but he was incapable of being a good parent to them. In the times he did have with them, he made them feel belittled, scared, and anxious simply because he never stopped to consider their feelings and their needs above his own. Your children will have nothing but positive memories because of the effort you put into being their dad. From one divorced parent to another, I can honestly say I think you’re doing an amazing job.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Ugh. Why can’t the birthdays be joint? I’m sorry, none of this is ideal. But damn it, the kids come first so why aren’t the birthdays joint? And no, I’m not expecting you to answer. Just sometimes between the courts and lawyers, the really important things get missed in these situations.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Jason, I am sorry to hear that she has excluded you. It isn’t fair. Sometimes ex-spouses can be vindictive. I pray that your -ex will see the treasure she has in a man such as yourself who wants to be a part of his child’s life. Not every woman is so lucky. I certainly was not. My son’s father abandoned me and our son when our son was a baby. I would have given the moon to have had him in our son’s life. Our son needed him. That has been almost thirty years ago now. It still stings. I pray that you can have a discussion with a family mediator to make sure you are included in ALL birthdays. You are needed. It is your rightful place.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Sorry to hear about this experience!! Been there, done that! It does get better over time. You improvise with celebrating early or late. I was lucky to have an Ex that could tolerate some joint celebrations after a couple of years. Treasure the time you get and make all the memories you can, My Friend!!
    Chuck

    Liked by 1 person

  5. It’s amazing to see other fathers that value time with their children. Between all the time I spent away in the navy and having 50/50 custody I’m amazed at how great of a relationship I have with my older son. Even in the most ideal situations its hard to have good relationships with our children but its so worth it.

    Liked by 1 person

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