Jason A. Muckley

Processing A Note From A Former Life #Poetry #Grief #NaPoWriMo

Why do I still find old notes?
Why are you still there?
This pain
This turmoil
Makes me want to scream
Until my voice is hoarse
Until I’ve emptied my heart
Of every bit of you
I am not sad
I am not afraid
I am angry
Sitting with my anger
Acknowledging it
Processing it
Why am I angry?
I am disappointed
I feel betrayed
Each has a solution
Letting go of our broken dreams
Forgiving you again
Repeating words for the hundredth time
Moving on

© 2019 Jason A. Muckley

7 comments

  1. Jason, this poem is heartbreaking and beautiful. I don’t think people are ever really gone from our lives. I still have old birthday cards, letters, mementos from over thirty-five years ago-that my ex-husband gave me. I have it all tucked away in box at the back of my closet. There are times even now that I take the box down and open the contents and read his words from so long ago. It hurts but in a way it heals because it makes me acknowledge that there was goodness and love all those years ago. And yes, I still feel anger and disappointment. I know that I always will. I acknowledge that. It will always hurt. My poetry book “Life at the End of the Rainbow” helped me examine my feelings and it helped me come to terms with the realization that the pain of loss is and will always be a part of who I am and who I have become. I turn to God each day and ask for strength to carry on and move forward. This life hurts. Acknowledging your anger and disappointment are first steps to finding some type of healing and peace. You are in my prayers.

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  2. I can relate…though I forgive repeatedly, memories of things/people who have robbed and broken me return. It’s tiring, discouraging to keep coming back to the same point. God is faithful, His grace never runs out–that’s what I must steep in. Lifting you up in prayer tonight, Jason.

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