“Grief seems to create losses within us that reach beyond our awareness – we feel as if we’re missing something that was invisible and unknown to us while we had it, but is now painfully gone.” – Brené Brown, Rising Strong

I came back to “Rising Strong” again as I rumble with grief and forgiveness and the loss associated with it.

Watching “The Office” tonight. Seeing Jim and Pam’s fantasy relationship. Scoffing at it and being upset about my marriage and how it failed and how it wasn’t what I wanted it to be. I wasn’t who I wanted to be. I couldn’t be who I wanted to be. I wasn’t who I thought I was. It is a deep regret I have.

At a friend’s house last night, I grieved the normalcy of eating a meal together as a family, cooking for the family, being together, talking, relaxing. Now I understand how nostalgia can be a trap, idealizing memories and the situation I was in, which was unhealthy, but those things are still all losses I am grieving and trying to work through.

One step at a time right? Day by day.

– Jason